This is how everyone will recognize you are my disciples – when they see the love you have for each other. John 13: 34-35
October 12 was Thanksgiving in Canada. Next month we celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States, the following month, Christmas. As a military family, we have moved seventeen times, lived in eight states and one foreign country. We spent the majority of holidays away from family, but we rarely spent our holidays alone. Our table was filled by neighbors, soldiers who had no place to go, army friends who became family, and friends of our children who would finish their family meals and then join us for a second helping. Our door was and is always open, our table always full.
Our guests have spanned various ages, nationalities, religions, sexual orientations and political parties. They included soldiers, business owners, housewives, students, government workers, teachers, pastors, artists, bankers, retail workers and entertainers. Over the years, we have developed a diverse and broad set of friends.
When Facebook first hit the scene, it was ideal for connecting with out-of-town friends and family. My “friend” group grew rapidly as I found friends I had lost touch with from high school, old neighbors, past coworkers and extended family. The ability to share pictures, chat, post videos and comment on each other’s posts in real time allowed us to connect in a way that letters were simply unable to.
As Facebook’s popularity took off and they exponentially expanded their user group, the “virtual neighborhood” became a hunting ground for data scientists, marketing specialists and campaign managers. The flavor of conversations changed. Politics took hold. With the filter of in-person conversation lifted, the Facebook debate was born. Suddenly virtual connection was not as enticing as it once was.
Today I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Having a daughter with a rare disease, this platform has enabled unprecedented access to other families around the world who are dealing with this same disease, an emotional support network and an easy avenue to raise awareness for my daughter’s moyamoya disease. As a writer, it has provided me with a medium to share my work with a large group of people. In the midst of a pandemic and an election year, however, Facebook has been feeding disinformation, conspiracy theories, politicization, divisiveness and separation. It has become a window into a side of people, I have at times wished I could unsee.
For it is not an enemy who taunts me— then I
could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me— then I
could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar
friend. Psalm 55:12-14
In a world consumed by a pandemic, politics and social media grandstanding, it is far easier to find a justification for anger than love, but we are called to do better. Social media is not real life. Real life is the kindness we show each other when our worlds are falling apart. It is the conversations we hold over a meal with a glass of wine. It is the favors we trade; the work we share and the fun we engage in. It is arguing and making up. It is forgiving and being forgiven. Real life is the sum of our engagements with each other, not the summary view of each other’s social media page.
When the pandemic ends, we will be looking to gather again. This year has left many of us questioning our friendships, our family, our gathering tables. Social media is not real life. We should not allow a funhouse carnival view from our Facebook feed to empty our tables.
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